Why Us?

You can have a team of experts precisely assemble every part of your post-divorce life. But if the underlying emotional conflict remains, it will continue to affect you. NVC mediation focuses on understanding the deeper reasons behind what each of us want. There are real human issues underneath people’s legal positions. We work with parties to develop a capacity to understand what the other person is experiencing from their point of view. This allows people to disentangle their emotions from their legal interests. That’s how conflicts get solved and how people can move on.

NVC Mediation vs. Traditional Mediation

What are the important differences between what we do and what other mediators do?

Observations vs Interpretations

Separating observations from interpretations is important because parties can typically more easily agree on observable facts than on the interpretations. Each party’s interpretation of the facts is likely to be made from their own point of view and therefore will be different from the interpretation made by the other party. In a conflict situation, each party is usually convinced that their own point of view is the right one (and usually the only one perceived). 

In traditional mediation, each party attempts to convince the other party that their own interpretation is correct, which maintains the conflict and distance of the parties. In NVC Mediation, the parties are supported by the mediator in identifying the observable facts, which allows for an initial point of agreement and connection between the parties. 

Perspective taking

It is the common assumption of traditional mediation that the parties to a conflict have the ability to take on the perspective of the other.  Perspective-taking refers to one’s ability to “try-on” or understand the way the other person is constructing his or her reality. People who are immersed in the stress of a conflict are likely to be attempting to deal with the conflict from a more closed-off mindset and therefore have less access to perspective-taking than they would under non-stressful circumstances. In NVC Mediation, the parties are supported in perspective-taking by providing each party the experience of being heard and providing each party support in listening to the other party. 

Conflict Resolution vs Dispute Settlement

In traditional mediation, needs are often collapsed into the more general category of interests.  A focus on interests leads to negotiations for scarce resources gained through trade-offs and compromises that leave no one’s needs fully met. When needs are not considered, the outcome is often a simple compromise, which leaves both parties dissatisfied with unresolved issues. The potential for flare ups or recurrence of the conflict is quite hight. 

Needs, unlike interests, cannot be traded, suppressed, or bargained for. All humans are motivated by a set of universal common needs. Identifying the common needs serves as a basis to unite the parties. In NVC Mediation, when the awareness of common needs is brought into a mediation process, there is an opportunity to connect with the perspective of the other side on a deeply human level. This level of human connections stimulates the interpersonal shift that makes a different kind of negation possible. True conflict resolution occurs when the relationship between the parties is reframed by shared human motivations about universal human needs.